We married in 2010 and had our first biological child in 2013. My pregnancy was traumatic due to a severe illness and it was a scary decision to pursue having a second child.
Our desire to grow our family was so strong that we mustered up our courage and even though we knew that the illness would happen again, in August of 2015, we began trying to have another baby. My conversations with the Lord at that time were summarized in the words of a song called Oceans by Hillsong United.
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
I had no idea how far and deep the Lord would take me and how much my faith in him would be tested. Instead of a tough pregnancy with a bundle of joy at the end, the Lord led me through 5 miscarriages in less than 2 years. I can’t even describe what that feels like.
In the Spring of 2017 I was at the edge of despair. I sat down with Kevin, who was equally effected by all we had been through, and we began to sense that this road was coming to an end. We had seen specialists, we had prayed constantly, we had done everything humanly possible to bring a baby into the world and we had heartache and pain to show for it. We agreed it was time to let this chapter close.
The only problem was that our desire for another child had only grown stronger. It had gone from a normal desire to a deep and powerful conviction, an unshakable belief that God does in fact have another baby for us.
Our hearts began to turn toward adoption, not as a second-best option, but as a high and unique calling, a special appointment ordained by our loving Father as if he were saying, “I have more in store for you than you ever knew to ask for. Wait and see where I am taking you next!”
We took our time bringing closure to our pursuit of a biological child. We listened to one another and worshipped God together. We grieved from the bottom of our hearts. And then our loving Heavenly Father began to move us forward.
He moved us to not only wanting another child but also wanting to step into the calling of adoption. We don’t know why he picked this for us but the deepest desire of our hearts is to live the life that God has planned for us. We will trust him and follow him wherever he may lead.
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.- Psalms 37:4